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Historia herética
de la revolución fidelista

a political comic by Servando González

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Time to Stop Talking and Begin Helping the Tyrant

This issue of Tyrant Aficionado is not about Cuba. No sir. It is about dirty politics. It is not about a place or a people. Is is about a tyrant we love. It is about Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz.

It is true that, because of our dirty politics, we Leftist Fascist-Americans have helped Castro to stay in power in Cuba for forty long years while he was busy destroying the island and its people. (But we don't need to do that anymore: now we have Pastors for Peace!) There was a time when the embargo we never enforced was enough to fool the stupids, but now, after the end of the Cold War, it is not necessary any more.

But, as much as we love Castro, we still don't understand Cubans. We don't understand the animosity of the Cuban-American community toward President Fidel Castro. Fidel stole their properties, kicked them our of the island, and has killed or sent to prison many of their friends and relatives. And they apparently not like Castro. That's is simply unbelievable. Castro is so charming. He is so nice.

Even more strange is that their hostility is not aimed at Castro's national-socialist ideology, but at real and complex issues such as Castro and his cronies' seizure of their homes, businesses and properties without compensation.

Also, we cannot understand the animosity of most Cubans still in the island toward our beloved president Castro. They earn misery salaries and are treated like slaves. They are sent to jail and shot in the wall. Cuban women are forced to prostitute themselves to survive. And still Cubans in Cuba don't love Castro like we do. Very strange.

In fact, Cubans are strange indeed. No wonder they invented the chá-chá-chá. (We have the bad feeling that some day, perhaps very soon, those issues will be resolved and the Cuban people will kick Castro's ass like our people did to us, but we're not going to talk about this now!)

By the way, not only the Cubans in the United States are crazy. The Cubans in Cuba are crazy too. What do you think about people who earn Cuban pesos and can only buy products with dollars? Isn't that stupid?

But that's not what this issue of Tyrant Aficionado is about.

This issue is about one of the richest islands in the Caribbean, now ranked below Haiti, thanks to Fidel Castro. This issue is about a people exploited (that's one of the reasons why we love Castro so much, we want to get our part of the pie in exploiting the Cubans!) by its government, and now by sonofabitches like us. This issue is about the Cuban independent journalists, who live in fear of Castro's repression. This issue is about the Cuban musicians, baseball players, scientists, writers, physiscians, and taxi drivers who have abandoned the island in drones. This issue is, for sure, about the Cuban tobacco industry, which Castro brought close to ruin. This issue is, above all, about the hypocrisy of the American left in cahoots with the American right, in defending and protecting tyrants. This issue is about businessmen doing business with Castro and sharing with the tyrant the exploitation and slavery of the Cuban people.

When President John F. Kennedy imposed the trade embargo in 1962, after his treachery during the Bay of Pigs and the Cuban missile crisis, he knew that the embargo was going to strenghten Castro in power in Cuba. We now see his dream fullfilled. As Nazis-Americans we are proud of him. By the way, Kennedy's father was our close friend and admirer.

During the times of dictator Batista, Cuba was the brothel of the hemisphere. But the good Fidel Castro changed that quickly. Now Cuba is the brothel of the world. We love Cuban jineteras , because they have university degrees-- and big asses. Don't forget that Havana cigars are the most common phallic symbols of domination used by white old males like Castro and us.

The time has come for politicians in Washington and Havana to listen to sonofabitches like us. The dialogue with Castro must be started, or he will send everybody to jail. It can start simply by opening the doors for us­­and keeping them closed for the Cubans . . . just in case. We hope this issue of Tyrant Aficionado can help lay the groundwork for abnormal relations between Fidel Castro and sobs like us. It would be fun, and probabl;y we'll make some millions on the side while we enjoy a good time in bed with the jineteras (and the jineteros , of course!).

This issue of Tyrant Aficionado is dedicated to all people who, under the disguise of cigar aficionados, baseball aficionados, Cuban music aficionados, and other types of misguiding labels, are actually Fidel Castro aficionados. To those who love the Cuban tyrant from the bottom of their hearts we dedicate this issue.

Finally, we suggest that you read this issue of Tyrant Aficionado while smoking a good Havana cigar (Hey! How it is politically incorrect to smoke in the U.S. while you sobs go and smoke in Cuba?) Enjoy your reading. Love the tyrant.

Benito and Adolf

Editors & Publishers

Tyrant Aficionado

  (The real one!)

Contrary to some real publications whose content is a parody, Tyrant Aficionado is a parody whose content is true. I am sure that some people are going to attack everything about this issue of Tyrant Aficionado . Except the facts. Their yelling will be a good measure of how accuratedly I am hitting the target.

Tyrant Aficionado is not financed or connected in any way whatsoever with any of the following organizations: CIA, KGB, Mossad, Pastors for Peace, or Gays for Castro. Also, this magazine has not received funds from the Rockefeller Foundation, the Ford Foundation, the MacArthur Foundation, Arca Foundation, or any other foundation, left, center, or right. Also, Tyrant Aficionado is not connected with Newsweek , TIME, U.S. News and World Report , Forbes , Penthouse , Playboy , Hustler , or Mother Jones magazines. Nor we have any ties to the New York Times, the Miami Herald , the Washington Post , the San Francisco Chronicle , the Los Angeles Times , or the Orlando Sentinel newspapers.

All the content of Tyrant Aficionado is copyright by its authors. No part of Tyrant Aficionado may be published without written authorization of its authors.


Servando Gonzalez

Editor, Publisher & Janitor

Tyrant Aficionado